The past few days we thought it'd be fun to try and be adults. We bustled around town dropping off resumes, moved into new houses, paid some bills, and did a few interview things. I felt very accomplished and so did S. We scheduled our time and were very efficient with the car we had borrowed. The world was ours and for a second I caught a glimpse of the world that just might be waiting for me after I graduate. Maybe I can be responsible. Maybe we can budget our time and money and function as normal adults of society. Maybe...
After two days of responsibility, we felt rather warn out. Adults do a lot of things during the day. They need to fill it up with errands or else it would be unproductive. Feeling exhausted we thought it'd be best to take a nap. Naps are good. We love naps. That's when I realized I don't like being an adult. Don't get me wrong, it is a necessary part of life. Gaining knowledge and applying it to day to day life is a beautiful thing and a little bit of organized chaos wouldn't hurt anyone. People get lost when life gets too organized. I keep forgetting about today and worry too much about how I'll feed myself five years from now. I get scared when I can't find the joy in my future anymore. Kids live for the moment. They play in the now. Somehow that is enough. I'm not saying to stop building for a future, but don't forget about the present either. It is what we live through after all.
As I sit here typing, S is drawing. Doing what he does best. Doing what makes him happy. That's all kids want. They do what makes them happy. I was told before every high school theatre performance to "show them your joy." That's what it's all about. Whether S is sketching on a pad as I watch the latest Bleach episode or tossing resumes to every hiring bike shop in Portland, it's an adventure. Hopefully we find some joy in it. We do what makes us happy and in the end hope everyone can have fun with us too.
S
ps. I start work tomorrow. =(
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